By Jiansheng 9 May 2009 How do you love God in BGR?
Pro30:18 Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not understand:
Pro 30:19 the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a virgin.
Why should we have BGR? Why is there BGR? It is a very difficult topic, Man has in some sense practice for so many years but we still face a lot of problems in this area. So what I’m going to do is to offer a bit of insight.
God is love - Love exist only in relationships. It is inter-personal. Where there exists human relationships, there should be love. - Another aspect about God’s love is that there must be freedom of choice. It can only be considered love when a person is allowed to make his own choice to love or not. If it is by instinct then it is not love. A person must exercise his mind to act for the sake of the other. That is love.
Because God is love and we are made in his image, it is natural for us to want to love and be loved. It is God’s gift. As it is God’s gift, you cannot place more importance in the gift over the giver. Second it is not compulsory for BGR. Unlike, father son, mother daughter or siblings. It is a opt-in thing. So it’s up to you if you want or do not want to be involved in a relationship.
So let’s say now you know it’s God’s gift and it’s your choice, we still don’t know how should we approach it. Is there a suitable age to start, what’s the age gap, how long to go stead, what’s the rules of engagement? And the Bible got no answers?? So our ideas of it comes from the media, your friends who also learn from media. Maybe a bit from church, but a lot of people in church also learn from the media.
Key Question: How do we approach it? Activity (Need scrap paper and pens) Things you pack for a camp and long term stay. What happens when it’s reversed? People go into BGR treating it like a short term trip when it is supposed to be a long term stay.
Draw a typical pattern of a relationship from the dating stages to marriage.
Out of all relationships,the pinnacle of BGR which is marriage, is the most intimate and loving in terms of emotional, physical, commitment. Anything that goes wrong, like break up betrayal will result in painful consequence. Because God loves us, he put a fence around this zone. This fence is the COVENANT of marriage. This IS the key difference between a Christian marriage and a non Christian one.
To approach BGR biblically, we will approach it from the viewpoint of this covenant. Hopefully after understanding this, we are clearer how to approach it as Christians.
COVENANT Num 30: Differences There are differences in the role of male and female before God in a covenant.Man answers to God and will also need to answer for his wife. I want you to look at this covenant that protects a lady more than restrict her freedom.Before marriage, she is protected by her father. Any oath she bound herself which is harmful, her father can renounce it when he hears it.
After marriage, the husband takes over this same role. Basically the father has authority over the lady until she is married.
This authority protects the lady from harassment from other people. Also this submission to Man is only to the father and husband.
Headship Eph 5. Guys do not have to be a leader everywhere but in the family, he must definitely be one. He will need to account for his wife. He cannot say I do not know how to handle this issue, because God will ask him to account. This pattern must start from the beginning of the relationship. Guys lead and ladies submit.
WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?
Now comes the complicated part.What does this all mean for us.
Sons will leave the family to start one. But girls biblical will always remain under the authority of the father until the day she is given away by the father. So a guy who wants to start a serious relationship with the girl,should ask the father. This is the ideal situation.
Basically the guy should not just take the easy way out. The relationships nowadays are too flippant. Of course the details, must work out but the idea is the guy must take some risks to woo the girl.
In a BGR, you do not have a covenant fence yet. Girls especially must take note. There is a reason why there is a covenant for man woman relationship.Because usually emotions can run high and out of control. It protects both parties. In a covenant, expectations are clear. Once you married, you are safe to pour out your deepest emotions to your partner because both have promised a lifetime to one another. But before being married or during courtship, I believe this principle should start. Expectations should be stated clearly.
For example, a guy should not keep asking a girl out alone and then say it’s nothing. It develops unhealthy emotional attachment. You must understand that guys and girls are different. Do not deceive yourself.
If you persistently ignore the differences, chances are you are more likely to make the wrong decision and people may get hurt.
Words & Actions
So the idea is that everything must be clearly stated in a BGR. The guy should understand that biblical courtship is that he is given a chance to win the heart of the lady. During this time, no covenant is established, so do not start saying things and doing things that can only be done under a marriage covenant. The best principle is that you are building a deeper friendship with the other person. So even if it does not work out, you are still can be friends. I have seen many people who say dear and I love you, and kiss publicly and next thing, they change another partner. So being physically close and intimate in words is not a proof of Love. Do not adopt the worldly standard for BGR.
COMPATIBILITY Now we know from God’s covenant of marriage, we have established some simple principles, we can move on. Now this compatibility is not about having the same hobbies, like the same food kind.
First and foremost, compatible in FAITH. Love God and love a person who loves God. This is God’s best for a Christian marriage.
But next thing, it does not mean all Christians are compatible. The best gauge is how both of you spend your time and money. If vastly different, think again.
Conclusion This is not exhaustive and relationships are complicated. Fulfill your Christian responsibility first and trust God.
Php4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Php4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
